Destructive Path to Hell
by JarDJ
Summary: Connor's relationship with Christine is on a spiral getting worse and worse...
1. Alcoholism

_Hi. This is a really emotional thing to write... but here it is. I'll be continuing this every now and then._

_"Alcoholism: An addiction to the consumption of alcoholic liquor or the mental illness and compulsive behaviour resulting from alcohol dependency."_

That one quote describes the life... and needs one person closest to me. The one person who I've had no choice but to depend on and live with for the past 17 years. I guess nobody can really describe what it's like living with an alcoholic. It's hard. Coming home from school, seeing that person lying on the floor unconscious from the effects of alcohol or in complete hysterics after downing a bottle of vodka.  
You know - I've never really realised how hard living like this. Having to look after your own mum isn't exactly a 17 year old needs when he's trying to concentrate on A-Levels is it?

**"CONNOR! GET UP YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE...AGAIN"**

There are times when she isn't drunk... like now... half past 7 in the morning. Give it around two hours - she'll be almost emotionally drained and will be gagging for the next drink. I don't know personally anybody who has to put up with this... I keep everything away from my friends. The fact that this woman is my mum... and Waterloo Road's second English Teacher. There is one person I know I can talk to. But I really don't want to tell her any of this. She doesn't need to be dragged into my mess.

"**CONNOR! I WON'T TELL YOU AGAIN. GET UP OR I'LL DRAG YOU OUT OF BED MYSELF!"**

Sometimes I prefer her when she is drunk... Let me ask you this - How exactly would you feel coming home and finding around 10 empty vodka bottles stashed away at the back of a kitchen cupboard... that haven't been there for more than a week? How would you appreciate coming from school and finding your parent drunk and out of their mind on the sofa, or sometimes on the kitchen floor crying? You wouldn't like it would you.


	2. First Day

_First full chapter. Enjoy! _

_ ©BBC. I do not own Waterloo Road or any of the characters._

The first day of a school is tough for anyone. You wonder into a building filled to the top with strangers that you've never met before, strangers that eventually may become acquainted with you. Sat in the car, it was extremely silent, awkwardly silent. Mum didn't say a word all the way there. She didn't even seem to acknowledge the fact I was sat beside her. We finally approached the brand-new school which didn't look anything like I had imagined before. It looked friendly… and welcoming. Completely the opposite of Glasgow

I was the first to leave the car, followed swiftly by Mum who pulled me to one side.

"Nobody will find out about this will they Connor? Because if they do. I know EXACTLY who to come to" I rolled my eyes and followed her towards the main entrance. We were greeted by a very ecstatic looking man.

"Mrs Mulgrew? Thrilled that you accepted our offer" Ah so this must be Byrne then…

"I'm so glad you accepted my application Mr. Byrne" I shut off at this point, not really interested in small talk between my mum and the headmaster. My attention was suddenly captured by Byrne when he decided to talk to me.

"…You must be Connor" I turned my head slightly and looked at him directly.

"Mmm" I replied quickly, all I wanted to do was get away from Mum.

"Welcome to Waterloo Road" he added. I nodded slightly and looked around me.

"Well... off you go Connor see if you can make some new friends." I don't think I had ever been happier to hear those words come from my mum. I walked off as quickly as I could towards the main entrance. I walked in with my head down. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone.

After a brief welcome assembly from Mr. Byrne it was time to move onto our first lesson. I looked down at my timetable.

_9:30am: ENGLISH ROOM 2 – _

I made my way slowly towards the classroom where for the next hour I would try and avoid my mum's sight. The staircase was packed with chatting teenagers about the latest episode of _TOWIE _and who would be next to leave that Celebrity Big Brother. I ignored all of it and leaned casually against the banister next to two girls. They were nice… kind. One especially… she sounded bright, smart I mean. I was transfixed on her. But then the moment I really didn't want to arrive…

"Right - Inside please, Single file and NO Talking." Yep there she was. The devil reincarnated…. Well… she isn't that bad….

"She's a bit... isn't she?" the blonde girl piped up. I rolled my eyes and made a comment which I instantly regretted

"You want to try living with her"

"You know her?" _Ah damn. I've got no choice now…_

"She's my mum"

"For real?" the second girl added

"I said no talking!" Mum shouted. I looked down and walked into the classroom. I had hoped this hour would go quicker than any other… how wrong I was.

Eventually we got out of my mums lesson. I escaped unspoken to… a few glares and a sly comment was all that was made. I pulled the scrunched up timetable from my bag…

_10:30am: HISTORY 1 – A. MCFALL. _

Oh… that's okay. I like History. I made my way towards the History class and waited outside. I made sure I stood near… Imogen I think it was?

"Right everybody in you go!" McFall said with a very cheery voice. We all trudged in. I made sure to sit near Imogen so I could see her. I really really liked her. For a moment I completely switched off and went into my own bubble and completely forgot everything…

" ... but there is SO much we can learn about ourselves from towering figures of the past! Winston Churchill, Robert the Bruce, Henry VIII! _Henry the eighth? Is she serious? What good comes from him? _I slipped a sly comment out to Imogen.

"What could come from Henry the eighth?"

"I beg your pardon - Connor Mulgrew!" _Better try and get myself out of this…_

"I mean, he married his dead brother's wife, got rid of her, married another five and executed two of them."

"Wow, you know loads!" Yes! I'd impressed her! However the old crow standing at the front of the class didn't look impressed. Instead she gave me and Scout, the blonde girl from earlier an essay about why the school should keep History in the Curriculum.

I decided to help Scout out with her essay. I told mum I was going over to Scout's to finish the essay. She didn't care… We finished the essay and chatted for a while. She was telling me about her time in England and why she decided to move here. I thought she was really funny… until the moment was ruined. My mother… the school's new English Teacher basically falls through the front door of the school house alongside Grantly. I stood up almost immediately.

"What's with the shocked face Connor, seen a ghost or something?" _I can't let her ruin this. I'm just beginning to make friends!_

"Hi Mum... I was just leaving" I decided to leave right away – taking her with me.

"Were ya?" added Maggie. I nodded and quickly walked over to Mum and took her arm

"Why don't you stay for a…" Grantly asked my mum. I couldn't let her stay.

"What a good idea!"

"No Mum, we've got to go"

"You're such a spoil sport Connor! " I faked a smile and laughed taking her outside… acting as if this was all a big joke. She started walking off towards the exit when it suddenly hit me.

"Where are you going?"

"I've left the car at the pub!" I stood in front of her and tried to take the keys to the car.

"You're not driving in that state!"

"Shut your FACE" My mum snarled at me. She walked off. I guess I had no choice but to follow her too. I got her into the car, and she immediately fell into some sort of drunken sleep. I drove down towards the bay and she started to gag. She was going to be sick. Why does she always leave me to clean her mess?!

"Mum come on"

She didn't reply… The car stalled. I was stuck. I tried to get mum to listen to me again… and that's when I noticed Imogen…


	3. Wasn't Fitzgerald an alcoholic?

_Based on Episode 2 of Series 8._

The night passed extremely slowly. I managed to get mum home and into the house. I tried to take her to bed but it was no good. She found another three bottles of red wine and sat in the living room downing them all in turn. I couldn't take it. I rushed upstairs and slammed my bedroom door and lay on my bed. I decided to check Facebook.

_FRIEND REQUESTS:_

_Jodie Allen: 2 Mutual Friends_

_Tariq Siddiuqi: 3 Mutual Friends_

_Imogen Stewart: 2 Mutual Friends_

She'd added me! Imogen! Wow! I accepted her friend request and looked at the chat bar. "_ONLINE"_ Would it be okay for me to talk to her? Would I sound too pushy? I decided to leave it

_ONE WEEK LATER_

"Three bottles you had last night - Three bottles, and I had to put you to bed!"

"You know I never thought I'd say this Connor but you're getting really boring" _Boring?! Who does she think she is!_

"You'll need these by the way" I produced a packet of mints from my pocket trying to hide the smirk that was slowly forming. She took them from me to which I decided to walk away. I don't want to be stuck with her any longer. Oh and then I remembered. I had to face the witch later.

"Okay, let's talk about the motifs that Fitzgerald employs in Gatsby. Can anyone tell me what the green light represents in the story?"… I decided to switch off. Another boring lesson from a woman who is so desperate for a drink you could see it in her eyes. I slowly processed a few thoughts in my head about the author. Fitzgerald. Wait a minute… Fitzgerald… He was an alcoholic. Let's see how she likes this…

"Wasn't Fitzgerald an alcoholic?" I shouted from the back of the class. She turned around and glared directly into my eyes.

"I'm just wondering why we're reading a book about a guy who was out of his head"

"Because it's in the exam Connor" she replied in her usual sarcastic tone.

"Do you think he'd have written a book if he was sober?"

She tried to shrug off the whole discussion by ending it with a "Well I guess we'll never know". She put on her fake smile and tried to continue. I don't care about what she thinks. Everyone should know what a pathetic excuse for a mother she is.

"Now. Getting BACK to Gatsby…" _Oh it's not over yet you manipulative cow_

_"_Not just him mind. Loads of them actually.." I carried on and listed a few. And then she turned around… the only girl who mattered to me.

"Dorothy Parker?" She smiled at me a little, and a fire went off deep inside. I took her suggestion and expanded it further, hurting my mum with every word.

"Yeah, I mean – why are we listening to a bunch of drunks?" Mum just stopped. She sighed sarcastically and looked around.

"Because Connor – They have been celebrated for over a century. Whereas you've just been annoying for the past 10 minutes" The entire class erupted into laughter. Great. She always manages to turn it around onto me doesn't she? Mum turned back around to the board and forgot the whole conversation. Imogen turned around and me and gave me a sympathetic smile. I didn't know how to feel. Confused? Annoyed? Upset?

Dinner time. It's even worse than during lessons. I walked slowly up to the counter and was served by a cheery looking Maggie. She flashed a smile as I paid for my dinner. I looked around, people staring or whispering comments… I sat on my own table. At least nobody would bother me there, or that's what I thought.

"So what went on with your mum this morning?" The one person I really wanted to see sat at my table. She actually sat with me!

"Why ask her all those questions?" I kept my head down; focusing on the plate of food I had absolutely no intention on eating. Maybe I could tell her? She of all people would understand? I lifted my head and looked into her sparkling green eyes.

"Because I wanted answers"

"Well maybe you'll get them when you drive home tonight" _Oh god. She saw me driving her home. Oh god. What do I do?_

_"_I don't know what you mean" _No! What did I say that for?! _

"So… that wasn't you driving your mum's car home last week then?"

What do I do now? I can't lie to her…

"In a way… I'm kind of jealous… that your mum lets you drive"

"Let's me?! She's in no fit state to…" _Oh great. Well done Connor. You've got no choice but to tell her now. _

"I mean…"

"You're just looking after her ay?"

She started rambling on about her parents… But she was funny… and cute. I was focused on what she was saying, even if it didn't make sense. She reached over and stole one of my chips which were going cold.

"What are you on about?" I eventually said trying to hide a smile

"It can't go on forever" She was right. This can't go on forever. I have my own life to get on with. The fact that Mum was always drunk had been my life… every night since I can remember she's been paralytic on the floor sleeping. I've always looked after myself. It's time to teach her a lesson. I said goodbye to Imogen and made my way to mum's classroom. Empty. I closed the door behind me and made my way to the mug which was placed on the desk - Probably filled with vodka. Quickly, I bent down to reach the draws which were attached to the desk. I attempted to open each one… all locked. I reached for the scissors which were on the desk and hacked at the lock. The draw banged and flew open. Inside was what I was looking for…. her precious bottle of vodka. The thing she cared about more than me. I felt a whole new level of anger rise inside me and placed the bottle on her desk, and made my way to the exit.


	4. Fire

It took me a while to process what I had actually done just a few hours before. The end of school arrived and I made my way back to my Mum's classroom. I looked into the door and saw her there, staring out of the window. I opened it slowly and walked inside. She looked at me in disgust and turned around. I put my weight on the door and stayed there. She turned her head slightly.

"How many people know?"

"That there was a bottle of vodka on your desk at lunch time?..." She looked at me and started walking towards her desk.

"About half the school" There was an awkward silence between us both. I walked up the aisle of chairs towards her. Did I take this too far?

"So what happened?" I took a seat on one of the tables.

"Someone broke in and found the damn thing in my draw… and it's not what you think. It was left over from staff drinks; I just forgot it was there" _Liar! It's hers. I'm starting to enjoy this just a tiny bit…_

_"_It's okay. You don't have to explain"

"I'm not so sure…" She looked at me. I felt guilty… but she deserves this. She never does anything for me. Why should I do anything for her?

"Audrey was here... She saw the whole thing"

"She'd just think it belonged to one of the kids"

"Oh no, she knew something was up she's not stupid… I can't lose this job Connor!" I got up from my desk. It was like a dagger had just been stabbed into my chest. I felt so guilty. Enough was enough… I walked towards the door of the classroom and walked out, looking back at the woman who was so close to breaking down…

It was true. It was the gossip of the teachers too. I heard Chalky and that old crow of a history teacher discussing it between them as they walked past my locker. Could this day get any worse? I started putting my things back into my locker when I heard a small voice.

"You know your mum is trending all over the school?" I looked around and saw Imogen. My heart started beating quicker than before.

"Heard something about it…."

"To think she was dumb enough to bring vodka into the school_." Imogen knew something wasn't right. After my slip up at dinner, there's no way she's going to let this go._

"You don't even know her…"

"I know she's smart. One of the best teachers in this school…. Just a pity you weren't there to take care of her this time." I dropped one of my books from my locker and to my surprise she picked it up. Her face lit up at the sight of Steven King.

"You're into Steven?!" a massive smile was painted across her face

"He's alright" I shrugged and smiled a little.

"Alright? The man's a genius!" I smiled a little. We started talking for a while before she invited me along to see a film! Me! She invited me along! I couldn't help but smile.

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Calm yourself, it's just a film" She smiled in return as we both walked off. I couldn't believe it. For the first time since we arrived at this school I felt like everything was okay. All the worries from my mum had suddenly been lifted and I felt like nothing mattered. I walked off into a small corridor and leaned against the window. Oh great… Mum.

"You um… shouldn't have taken the blame. This is my mess, not yours" _Could she make me feel any worse than I do already?_

"Well… you need to keep your job…and I need a place to live" I forced on a small smile.

"And you're right about the booze… it's time I laid off it for a while"

"For real this time?"

"I mean it… this was just too close for comfort.

"Well… good… I'm glad" I couldn't stop myself from smiling. Those were the only words I wanted t hear come out of my mum. I told her about my plans with Imogen and walked off. I opened the main door into the yard, it was raining. I saw Imogen beaming from the wall.

"You Coming?!" She yelled. I started walking when I got a text from Mum..

"HAVE A GREAT TIME. MUM. X I couldn't leave her like this. I needed to go home. I walked up to Imogen and said the lines I really didn't want to.

"Can we lay this off…?"

"Something I said?"

"No…"

"Well. Your loss!"

I smiled a little at her and she walked off. I walked home in the rain. I decided to text Imogen.

_"I'm really sorry… Something come up. Maybe we can do this another time… C. x" _

Oh god. Was the 'x' too much? Maybe? It was too late. It was sent. I walked home silently, putting my earphones into my ears and blocking everything else out. I reached the house and unlocked the door not knowing what to expect. It was quiet. I made my way to the kitchen and saw the sight I should have expected. Mum with a glass of wine.

"Well look who it is…"

"What're you doing Mum?"

"I am having a little um… celebration" she replied pouring another glass of red wine. I could have walked over and shook her. How could she? She said it was time to give it up! I felt like running. I couldn't handle this.

"Really… what's the occasion?"

"The occasion… Connor my darling…Is that I have finally worked it out… ha… It was a set up wasn't it?" I felt a slight ache in my chest again. I didn't mean for her to get this hurt over it… it was just so she could see what she was doing.

"Your little plan was to leave the bottle there all along… you thought you would show me up didn't you? Out me! Personally… I think that was a clumsy move, but the aftermath!" I couldn't listen to the drunken wreck which was standing in front of me. I felt like screaming at her. I switched off and let her get on with it. She went on about the confession…

"I only did it to make you see-"

"SEE WHAT?!... How TWISTED you are how much you want to hurt me?!"

"I'm trying to help you!"

"I don't believe ANYTHING YOU SAY… and you wonder why I drink.." That was it. That was the final straw. I left her to it and ran upstairs and locked myself away in my bedroom. I sat on the floor against my door listening to the bottles chiming against each other. About half an hour had passed and I could hear her snoring downstairs. I got changed and quietly crept into the Kitchen to make dinner… tinned spaghetti. I saw Mum passed out on the dining table. I turned on the gas and saw the tiny flame rise. Suddenly a switch clicked in my head. Fire… I dropped the tea towel onto the oven and went after the toast which had popped up. I turned around and saw the fire which had started to spread across the kitchen. I stood there and watched. Maybe this was the answer? I walked out of the Kitchen and made it look like I had come to save her. I closed the kitchen door and waited for her to lift her head. I re-opened the door and ran into her.

"MUM! MUM WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" I dragged her outside.


	5. Time for Change?

"CONNOR, GET UP NOW PLEASE" Another morning. Already? I've hardly slept. It's been a week since the accidental fire in the kitchen. In some way it made me feel better, I had hoped that the fact our kitchen went up in flames would help her see sense and stop drinking. You'd think she'd listen? Yeah this is my mum we're talking about.

X

"Come on, we're going to be late" _And not for the first time…_

_"_We've got plenty of time yet" she replied in her usual calm yet sarcastic manner.

"No we don't – school's over 20 minutes away I've already told you this!" I looked at her, she looked drunk already. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if she was. I looked at the half empty bottle of Vodka which was stood at the edge of the coffee table facing her. She rolled her eyes.

"Stop hassling me!"

"As if… and there's no milk by the way. Or cereal"

"Well have some toast or something!"

"But you said you'd go shopping!"

"I will… later" _Ugh that was it. _I looked at the bottle of vodka and nodded towards it.

"Managed to get to the off license alright" She slammed down her mug which was probably filled with booze and picked up her purse.

"I'm NOT here to skivvy around you!" She wiped her forehead and sighed. Why am I even trying? She obviously hates the sight of me. I'd probably be better off living away. That's it. I'm finished.

"You know what… I can't do this anymore. This isn't a life…" She looked at me as if I was going mental.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm moving out" I meant it. I walked out of the living room and out of the front door. I decided to walk to school there wasn't much point in hanging around to see someone who doesn't even want to see me. I put my earphones in and started walking. I thought about texting Imogen. Would she mind? Or would it seem desperate. I couldn't think. I'd just told my mum I'm moving out… where am I supposed to go? I kept walking, completely oblivious to the fact it had started raining. I searched around in my pocket for the money I planned on giving Imogen for the cinema. I arrived at school before mum and walked into the building. It was its usual busy self with people discussing stupid celebrity rumors. I put my stuff in my locker and headed off. I spotted Imogen and ran up next to her.

"Imogen!" I searched in my pocket for the money and put it in front of her.

"For you… for the cinema!" She looked confused and smiled. She reached out for the money and pushed it away.

"You didn't miss much, _Paranormal Activity_ is way better"

"Maybe we could go another time?" I couldn't help smiling.

"See you later then" replied Imogen, smiling. She turned around and walked off. I was on top of the world! I was planning on leaving and I had actually almost got a sort of girlfriend! But then she had to arrive and ruin it all…

"Found anywhere yet?" The bitch of a mother I had said.

"Early days"

"There's a homeless hostel down the road if you're stuck…" She smirked and walked off. I felt like someone had just stabbed me in the heart. Okay yes, I said I wanted to leave but for her to say that? I looked around and saw Maggie. Maggie! Maybe I could get a place in the school house?!

"Excuse me Miss?"

"Yes pet?" she looked at me and smiled

"Do you have any rooms in the school house?" I asked positively. She looked pretty confused, and who could blame her?

"Um… I'll take a look for you, pet… is everything okay?"

"Yeah fine… thank you" I forced on a smile and headed off to History.

X

"Believe it or not, these were the memory sticks of their day!" The old crow of a history teacher continued. I was too transfixed on Imogen's drawing. It was a red flower. It was actually brilliant. She was brilliant…

"Imogen what did I just say?" She continued drawing, transfixed on completing her drawing. I decided to nudge her… she couldn't get into trouble. She looked up, her glowing eyes looking forward.

"Sorry miss…" The old crow continued on. I looked down at Imogen's drawing. It was amazing. Eventually McFall set us a task which we had to team up for. I asked Imogen if she wanted to team up.

"Come on, you can work with me!" Jade said to Imogen. I looked lost. Imogen looked at me, left her drawing and walked off.

X

Break… I didn't want to be with anyone really. I just wanted to be alone. But low and behold, the devil herself emerged from the bustling crowds. She approached me and smiled a little.

"Let's not fight ay?"

"You started. Like you ALWAYS do"

"I know… I'm sorry!" She looked genuinely sorry for once. But was it all an act? I couldn't think straight. I didn't even feel like talking to her. I looked around, bit my lip and then decided to reply.

"After everything I've done for you…. You could have been burnt to a crisp if it wasn't for me"

"I'll always be grateful"

"Well you've got a funny way of showing it" I couldn't believe this. She was playing me. I was still determined to leave – I couldn't live with her. The corridor was empty now and it was again just me and her.

"To be honest, I'm just trying to come to terms with it…. I don't know what I'd have done if anything happened to you" I looked away. Why does she do this? All the time! She tries to trip me!

"Mum… don't"

"The fire was a wakeup call… I'll change this time I promise!"

"Like the last time… and the time before that?" I rolled my eyes. _She won't change… she never will. The argument continued for a while before she offered a walk into the hills…_

"Tell you what, me and you can take a walk into the hills this weekend? Take our sketch-pads?"

"Yeah okay…" She started poking me playfully in an attempt to get me smiling. I tried not to, but it didn't work. She smiled in return. I walked off to my next class feeling quite different. Maybe she was telling the truth… I just need to give her a chance.


	6. A Rose

Dinner now, I wasn't that hungry. I walked up to Maggie who was smiling as usual. I ordered something small.

"Have you patched things up with your mam?"

"Sort of… I guess.

"I'm glad. It's probably best that you stay living at home for now" _How does she know? It's nothing to do with her! _I felt rage suddenly start building up inside.

"Have you spoken to her?"

"After I bumped into you" _Ugh! Why can't she leave everything between me and her?!_

"I should have known. That old cow…"

"That's no way to talk about your mum!" _That's it! Nobody understands! Why can't people leave our business to ourselves!_

"Why can't YOU KEEP YOUR BEAK OUT OF EVERYONE ELSES BUISNESS!" I couldn't stop myself. I felt so angry. I threw the cutlery across the canteen floor.

"You think I'd let you in the school house with an attitude like that?!"

"I WOULDN'T WANT TO LIVE WITH A STUPID OLD COW LIKE YOU ANYWAY!" _Oh great well done Connor. That's it. I've ruined every chance I've got now. _I walked towards the door and was stopped by the crow herself.

"Pick them up" _Ha! No Chance_

"Now". She stared at me, looking deep into my eyes. Something told me to turn around and pick them up. Not wanting another argument, I turned around and headed towards the scattered knives and forks. I bent down and started gathering them all in my hands; I felt betrayed, annoyed and completely isolated. It felt like everyone was watching and laughing. I couldn't bare it. I put the tray back onto the counter and stormed out towards the exit.

X

Walking down the corridor towards the common room, I looked over and saw a poster hanging off the wall. I thought I'd actually help out and put it back up. I didn't bother to read it; I just put it back up. I pulled a pin out of the board and pushed it into the paper, low and behold the crow emerged from around the corner. I looked at the poster in a confused manner. The headline read:

_PSYCHO SON LEAVES DAD FOR DEAD_

She stormed up to me looking completely mental.

"What do you think you're doing?!"

"Nothing Miss! I.."

"Heads office, NOW!" She interrupted and pulled the poster down.

X

I was sat near the back of the cooler with a pen and paper. I was supposed to be writing an essay… that wasn't happening. I had other things on my mind. Was my mum actually telling the truth? Would she stop drinking or was it another lie? Why did she talk to Maggie and not me? Eventually I just forgot everything and stared at the wall. I snapped back into reality when the cooler door creaked open and the only person who I wanted to see walked in. Imogen. She sat opposite me on another desk.

"I thought you might be hungry" she smiled at me and pulled a yellow tissue with food inside from her pocket.

"Hold on… You got into detention to give me these?" I looked at her confused.

"Lunch times overrated anyway" She shrugged and smiled.

"But I thought you weren't interested?" There was a glimmer of hope. Could it actually work between me and her? She hadn't seemed interested…

Chalky made us stay quiet. I picked up my pen and pretended to write.

"You've blanked me all day"

"It's just the way I am…away with the fairies sometimes!" She grinned. She looked beautiful. I couldn't hide the fact that I was really really… really into her. I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out a hand-crafted gift for her… I saw her drawing earlier and decided to make it. I turned to her and handed her a flower made of paperclips and melted pen lids.

"Be careful, it's held together by plastic… I melted a pentop!"

"It's beautiful!" She grinned at me. Eventually Chalky had enough of us whispering and moved her to the front. She held the flower in her hands, still grinning.

X

I got home before Mum. I went straight upstairs and found a bag. I threw a few sets of clothes into it along with stuff I would need. I heard her come back and go into the living room. I finished packing and went downstairs; ignoring the fact she was there.

"Erm, what's that?" she asked me. I decided to lie to her.

"Don't worry it's just dirty laundry"

"Well I'm not doing it not after your performance today" she slurred. She'd just got home and was already on vodka. She was lay on the sofa basically drinking her day away.

"As if…" I replied quietly.

"And you can forget about Saturday!" _Told you didn't I? I knew she wouldn't do it._

_"_Like you' be able to drag yourself out of bed in the first place!" She got up from the sofa and reached for her precious bottle.

"You know, I've got everyone nosing into our business because of you! Well anything to break up Audrey's sad excuse for a life I suppose" She said pouring herself another large glass.

"Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

She sighed at me sarcastically. "Oh you think you're so smart don't you" I just rolled my eyes at her drunken speech. I wasn't in the mood for this.

"I wonder what Mr Byrne would say if he knew about this?" _That should hurt her or scare her enough to stop._

"Ha, You can try and make me look bad all you like. It won't do any good. I poured my heart out in his office" She spat at me. What did she mean?

"What did you say?" I scowled at her. I couldn't believe that she'd turned this around on me again, her son who she supposedly loves and cares for.

"I told him that you are a devious…" _What?!_

_"..S_elfish…" _Oh I'M selfish?!_

_"_…little weirdo that can't be trusted!"_ THAT COW!_ HOW DARE SHE! That's it! I can't deal with this! I felt the anger rise up inside me. I couldn't stop it. I just lost control…

"Hahaha! I mean, what is a mother to do?!" That was it. I swung my arm into her face knocking her backwards.

"Mum… I'm Sorry!" She looked at me and ran upstairs. What had I done? I've just hit my own mum…


	7. Happy? Birthday!

Me and Mum stopped talking for a few days following the… incident. It had made everything so awkward between us that I couldn't even look her in the eye. School was a bundle of laughs, especially English. The days seemed to roll into one. Eventually the one day I'd been looking forward to, arrived… Imogen's birthday. I'd remembered it as soon as she told me. Is that a little weird? I didn't think so. I searched for my phone before school and rang her.

"Hello?" the sweet voice answered the other end of the phone

"Happy Birthday!"

"Sing it then?"

"No chance, are you mental?"

"How did you know it was my birthday anyway?" _Ah… She thinks it's a little weird… wait. Facebook!_

_"_I have… telepathic powers"

"Very funny!"

"How do you think? Facebook!" I smiled to myself. There was a short awkward pause on the phone before she said

"I better go… see you later" and the phone line was closed. All sorts of feelings ran through my body like wild fire. Did I scare her by the fact I remembered her birthday? I was just nervous… Nobody had ever been like this with me before. I walked into the Kitchen and attempted to make breakfast for mum. If she wasn't going to attempt to talk to me, I should at least.

X

"I made you breakfast.." I walked towards her with a tray. She put her hand up and pushed the tray into my stomach

"I'm NOT hungry" She couldn't even bring herself to look at me.

"You have to eat…"

"Or what?! You'll hit me again?"

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" I looked at her, and heard a sarcastic sigh escape her lips.

"Sorry isn't good enough Connor" She got up from her chair and walked out of the room. What else can I do? I've said sorry, made her breakfast, offered to do everything and it's still not good enough. I dropped the tray onto the coffee table spilling orange juice everywhere. I stormed out grabbed my school bag and coat and walked out of the front door. I put in my earphones and pulled out my phone.

_1 MESSAGE: Imogen_

_Hey Connor! Sorry I had to finish our phone call so early. I'll see you in a while. Imogen x_

A Small smile was forced onto my face and I put my music onto shuffle. The first song… Drunk by Ed Sheeran. I rolled my eyes and skipped it. Walking to school usually cleared my head quite a bit. It was sunny for once and it felt like everything was fine. For the first time in months I felt like nothing mattered again, that I didn't have anything to worry about. I arrived at school and walked to my locker pulling my copy of Steven King's _11/23/63 _out of my bag and into the cramped space. I turned around and walked towards my form group where a blonde woman stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Sorry, Excuse me – Which way is the office again?"

"Um… To your left, through the double doors, down and then through the next dou…"

"You lost me at double doors" She smiled at me. I smiled back

"I'll show you if you like?" She nodded relieved. I started to lead the way.

"So… What's your name?"

"Connor"

"And what year is Connor in?"

"12" I replied. I wasn't really in a talkative mood.

"Really? You must know Imogen. Imogen Stewart?" _Imogen? Now I'm interested_

"Sort of… she keeps herself to herself" I finished showing her the way and turned around. I headed back to my form class. The corridors had started to die down now. I opened the door and saw Imogen sitting looking at the flower ring I made her. I sat next to her and smiled. Chalky began taking the register. Imogen was twirling the flower in her hands.

"Don't play with it, you'll break it"

"How did you make it?"

"I'll show you sometime, when we're round yours." Chalky looked down at the list and lifted his head

"Mulgrew?"

"Here" I replied looking cheerful for once. Me and Imogen began talking about her Mum… and then it clicked that the blonde girl was her Mum.

"Has she said anything to you?!"

"She was… friendly" I said pulling my sleeve from my grey jumper further up my hand.

"How friendly?!" I looked at her and didn't reply. She turned around and stormed out of the classroom slamming the door behind her. The bell rang for lessons and then I remembered. I have English. I walked out rubbing my tired eyes when I bumped into Imogen. She explained… sort of, why she ran out of registration. We slowly made our way to English trying to be as late as we could. Eventually we arrived and sat in our seats. Mum gave us a task to do, but I was too busy helping Imogen with her problems.

"It's like she wants to rule my life or something"

"Mums are nosy" Speaking of Mums, mine was about to step over the line. She walked over and sighed.

"The ring, hand it over"

"But.."

"Now please" Imogen handed Mum the ring. Mum inspected it slowly, her eyes glaring. I could see her mind working, starting to find insults to throw at me. I looked at her with beady eyes.

"A ring made out of…what is that?... Paperclips?"

"Careful Miss it's delicate!" Imogen's face was full of worry. Mine however was more anger and frustration. I looked down at the paper and heard the one thing I didn't want her to say.

"Aw… Young love!" I looked up and could see the worst fake smile I had ever seen.

"Am I going to have to buy a new hat?" Me and Imogen looked at each other, just as she burst out in song. Oh yes. Just when you think Mums can't get any more embarrassing – they break out into song in front of your entire class. She placed the ring on her finger and started singing

_Going to the chapel and we're… going to get married!_

"It's not like that!" I said to her, basically giving her my best dirty look.

"Thank god for that. Talk about lack of big spenders ay?"

"Actually. I like it" Imogen retaliated and looked at her getting even more annoyed than I was.

"Good for you! There's nothing wrong with being easily pleased!" Her face was full of sarcasm and satisfaction that she'd finally managed to embarrass me in front of the entire class…again.

"Scout swap places with Imogen please" Both girls got up from their seats and moved. Mum moved behind me and whispered in my ear

"You… keep your mouth shut" She walked back to the front. We got on with our work, and eventually the lesson finished. I walked to the front of the class.

"I wasn't talking about you!" I pleaded to my mum.

"I heard you!"

"We were discussing her mum! Like I'd waste my breath on you! Give me the ring" I demanded, I was way past anger now.

"You know the rules Connor! No jewelry in school!" She put on another sarcastic smile.

"This isn't about the ring. This is about Imogen!"

"Please…"

"You're jealous! Jealous of somebody in my life compared to your sad empty existence!... I swear if you start on her I will make your life a misery". She stopped moving books and stood and looked at me.

"You always were a petty little boy"

"Try me" I leaned in over the desk and glared. We were interrupted by someone coming to see Mum. She left the room. I looked at the desk and saw her bag. I opened the zip and stole one cigarette, her lighter and her bottle of vodka. I hid them under my coat and left the room heading off to my next lesson. I stopped off at the office to drop something off and then carried on. I walked around the corner until she burst through the door"

"Where is it?!"

"Where's what?" I asked looking clueless

"You know exactly what!"

"I don't know what you mean"

"Please Connor… I need it.." _She needs it? How pathetic… "_I've got a full morning of classes and I can't leave"

"Not my problem! Sorry" I tried to walk off but she pulled me back.

"You think you're clever?! Well you're not! You're wide eyed wonder is probably laughing at you behind your back!" She reached into a pocket in her bag and pulled out the ring I had made for Imogen.

"Here. Take it!" I reached out for it, and she dropped it on the floor. I looked down and tried to grab it… but she stepped on it crushing it completely along with my entire heart. How could she?

"You really ought to be more CAREFUL! " She spat at me and walked out. I looked at the remains of the ring and picked them up, opened the purple corridor door and walked out. I needed to calm down with the only way i knew how… Fire.


	8. Party and Alcohol

The basement of the school was usually empty. That would probably be the best place to start a fire…. I gathered up some fire starters such as paper and alcohol solution. I drenched the floor in the solution and pulled the lighter and cigarette from earlier from my pocket. I lit the small stick and carefully placed it on a tub above the paper, allowing it to burn before it would drop. I walked up the small set of stairs and looked back. I breathed deeply and walked out of the basement acting completely inconspicuous.

About ten minutes past and I was sat in the common room on free period alone. Suddenly the fire bell sounded. My heart was in my throat. I made my way outside to my form group. I lined up in front of Imogen. Mum was taking control at the front of the school

"Stay in your classes do NOT try my patience!" I turned to Imogen who looked slightly nervous.

"I hope it's not too serious"

"Who cares? It's just a school…"

X

I walked into the common room after all the excitement with the fire and saw Imogen. I walked up behind her and tried to attract her attention.

"Alright?" I asked. She ignored me.

"Hey… Hey?... Earth to Imogen?" Finally she turned around and faced me.

"Sorry…"

"You okay?"

"Mum does my head in… that's all"

"Snap" We sat down on the empty sofas. I reached into my bag and pulled out the vodka I'd stolen just a few hours ago

"Fancy a swig?"

"Where did you get that?!" Imogen's face looked shocked yet happy.

"Where do you think? Most women keep make-up in their handbag… My mum's not most women" She reached out and put her hand on my arm. It felt so comforting.

"I thought I had problems…" I moved my hand slightly so mine was on hers. This is all I wanted. Me and her together.

"I feel like I can tell you anything… funny isn't it?" She removed her hand at that and got up. What have I done this time?

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing… I've got to go" She left me alone on the sofa holding the half empty bottle of vodka. I glared at the wall, and then looked down at the bottle. I couldn't help but feel like mum had messed everything up between me and Imogen. I turned the bottle over in my hands and looked at the back. I studied the label for a few seconds and got up. I needed to get away from everything. I walked into the toilets and closed one of the cubical doors. I lifted the bottle and unscrewed the lid. I hesitated for a moment before closing my eyes and taking a long drink from the bottle. It was horrible yet it relieved everything. My neck burnt from the raw alcohol which was running through my body affecting me instantly. I took another drink from the bottle and before I knew it – the bottle was empty. I sat on the floor and closed my eyes allowing the alcohol to take over. I never drink – so the vodka affected me almost instantly. I realized that I should be watching a film with Clarkson. I got up and made my way over, feeling worse and drunk with every second. I slipped in the class and sat next to Imogen. I reached over for her hand and squeezed it.

"Are you okay?" I looked at her, swaying slightly

"Yeah… Just watching the film…" I rubbed my eyes in an effort to stay awake. Eventually it clicked in her head and she looked at me.

"I thought you were only kidding about drinking!" I laughed quietly.

"Who cares?" I fell off my chair in a drunken state. I ended on the floor in front of Clarkson – the empty vodka bottle lying next to my bag.

"Connor! Will you stop messing about and concentrate?!" Clarkson said walking up to me. I was almost knocked out from drinking the vodka. I could barely speak let alone concentrate. I sat up slightly and saw him looking at me.

"What's wrong with you?"

"I think he might be coming down with something" Imogen said. Clarkson bent down and picked up the empty vodka bottle. He looked at it and grabbed my arm.

"Headmasters office now" I got up… sort of and made my way out of the small hall towards the headmaster's office.

X

It was basically the end of the day and I just wanted to go home. I had begun to my senses after being forced to drink water. Mum made her way through the office and towards Byrne's door. She looked at me and me at her – glaring. She knocked on the door.

"Come In!"

She walked in and closed the door behind her. I looked around rubbing my head at the headache which was now forming in the back of my head. I almost fell to sleep. I was woken up by the sound of Byrne's door opening. Looking up in a dazed state I saw him point towards a chair in his office. I got up and walked over.

"Your mother's been telling me what's happening… how long have you been drinking?"

"Is that what she told you?" I looked down at her. How could she? This is my chance to get her back. But something told me no. She looked at me and looked completely helpless.

"I bought it for a party tonight…"

"What party?"

"Round at the school house for Imogen's birthday. I drew the short straw to go and get it"

"You're in detention for the rest of the week. In the meantime get yourself home and sober up a bit"

"And you can forget about the party! You're grounded until further notice" Mum piped up. I didn't care what she thought.

"Can I go now?" Without waiting for an answer I opened the office door and walked out. I walked home, allowing the sun to beam down on my face. I felt a little better at the thought of seeing Imogen later. No way am I missing her birthday because of my mum. I got home before her. I ran upstairs and got changed into my best clothes to try and impress her. Before leaving I took some aspirin. I left the House before my Mum had even arrived and made my way to the party.

Everything felt a little better walking to the party. The mix of the aspirin and the fresh sea air was helping clear my head. I looked at my watch – I was a little later then I anticipated. I opened the door and walked towards the Living Room, seeing Imogen sat on the sofa. She saw me and stood up with the biggest smile on her face.

"I thought you weren't coming!"

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world!" We sat with each other for a while before she brought up the events of earlier.

"You know I've been the laughing stock?"

"Anyone who laughs, I'll have to deal with them"

"You're so sweet!" She reached over and held my hand. I'd never felt happier.

X

We were sat on the Stairs after her Mum stopped the party…. And now was my chance.

"Are you telling the truth… that you really like me?"

"You're amazing. I feel like I can be myself around you! No Lies, no secrets… but look. If you're not interested… just say" I looked down at the floor. Imogen placed her cup on the lower step and looked at me. She reached up to her ears and pulled out two hearing aids. Imogen signed to me

"I'm Deaf.."

"Deaf?"

"Does it matter?" In all honesty – of course it didn't! I leaned in and kissed her. I'd never felt like this. I felt happy, sad, confused and yet – nothing in the world could have prepared me for what I felt now. I loved her.

X

Home. Oops… I realized half way home that I was still grounded. I was going to get it when I got home, but that didn't matter at all. Me and Imogen were in Love.. at least I thought. I'd never been happier. I walked home and opened the living room door to see Mum sprawled out on the sofa. Drunk…

"What part of grounded don't you understand?" I looked at her and then looked down at the bottle which was on the table. I picked it up.

"I'd be very careful if I was you. You wouldn't want Mr Byrne finding out your secret now would you?"

She laughed at me. "As if I'm going to listen to a single word you say! Turns out you did me a massive favor today…" She poured herself another raw glass.

"He thinks you're nothing but trouble! Good going son. Cheers!"


	9. One Small Trip

A couple of days later I was walking to school. I hadn't exactly spoken to mum since the whole argument happened. But somehow I didn't care. Imogen and I were an item. Finally, Connor Mulgrew – The freaky loner kid had someone worth caring for. I'd left the House extremely early. 5am to be precise. I thought it would be romantic to watch the sun rise with Imogen. I really didn't think she'd agree to it all – but she did. We sat at the harbor and watched the sunrise sitting hand in hand. I felt on top of the world.

X

"I can't believe you got me up at half 5 this morning!" Imogen said with a massive grin on her face, her eyes sparkling.

"Worth it though…" I said with a smirk. Okay maybe a little more happened than just the sunrise. Nothing too… you know.

"It was beautiful" she replied.

"Beats my usual morning routine" She looked at me confused.

"Hmm?"

"Let's just say it's not my mum's finest hour of the day...So how about we grab some food after school?"

"I suppose my arm could be twisted!" Just before she could say anything else… Clarkson appeared right in my face.

"Well I'm glad you're in a good mood, because your mother isn't"

"What?"

"She's worried sick about you!" I panicked. What has she told him?!

"What's it too you?!" I felt physically sick.

"I know it's tricky for someone of your age, but why don't you try thinking about someone else for a change?" _Had he actually just said that? He's not the one who is living with a 40 year old alcoholic who can't even make her own breakfast! _I looked at Imogen and then down at the floor and walked off. That has certainly put my mood down. We walked together for a while, around the school at least twice. We discussed anything we could.

"… Talk about an easy day!" She said to me, still grinning.

"Instead you're stuck with a reject like me for the rest of the day!" I smiled at her.

"I reckon I could cope with that!" She giggled a little. It then dawned on me that we were near my Mum's classroom… and low and behold she appeared like a ghost from the wall.

"If I could just peel you apart for a second?" Mum said in her usual sarcastic and basically annoying tone. I nodded towards Imogen who walked off.

"What do you want?" I whispered.

"Where were you this morning?!"

"Out!"

"Well it would have been nice to let me know. You didn't wake me, no breakfast my schedule nothing!" _Oh yeah. That was my normal morning routine:_

_7am: Wake up and get breakfast ready in half an hour._

_7:30am: Wake her up._

_7:45am: Shower and then make sure mum is actually awake_

_8am: Watch mum pour about half a bottle of vodka down her throat_

_8:30am: Head off to school and try and avoid her for as long as possible._

"You're a big girl now! Thought you might have managed it without me for a change!" I walked off and saw Imogen. We both walked together and off round the corner we went. I wasn't in the mood to hang around my mum's classroom. She was a mess.

X

It was Mathematics next with Chalky. We all piled into the classroom and saw a very unusual sight for a classroom. A 2 year old child in a play corner…We all sat down and listened to the old man in front of us ramble on about ratio. He was only interrupted by the small child.

"Yes darling, Uncle Dan-Dan's here what do you want? A Drink or snack or something?" _Now's my chance to actually prove to people I'm not this teacher's pet they all think I am._

"Uncle Dan-Dan I'm starving can I have a snack?!" I smirked and shouted. Everyone laughed in response. RESULT!

"What's she doing in here anyway?" Imogen asked.

"I'm doing a favor for a friend and I expect you all to keep it to yourselves"

"Sir… why is there make-up on the toy?" Imogen piped up, inspecting the white toy which was on her desk. He walked up to the kid and wiped her face.

"She's covered in spots!" Imogen and I got up together and walked over.

"Uhh! It's not chicken pox is it? I haven't had that yet!" Imogen shouted

"What's wrong with her?!" I asked.

"I don't believe it.."

"You put make up on her?!"

We all walked away and sat on the desks. This was too good an opportunity to miss.

"Sir, I think it's catching we need to lie down!" I shouted. Everyone laughed again.

"We shouldn't be exposed to an infectious child! It's against health and safety!" Imogen said, and everyone laughed again. For once I felt like I was finally fitting in with everyone else.

"Quick everyone! Grab your stuff and run before it's too late!" I shouted. Everyone darted for the door of the classroom and piled out for an early lunch break. I was talking to Imogen and feeling happier than I ever had. We walked out and guess what I find in front of me? Mum. I walked over and rolled my eyes.

"What?!" I asked her

"I'm not feeling at all well Connor; I need you to take me home"

"You look fine"

"I'm not well Connor"

"Well go to the docs then!" I was getting frustrated now. Why couldn't she just leave me alone? She didn't reply.

"See, what did I tell you – There's nothing wrong with you" I rolled my eyes. She looked at me and made her way towards one of the exit doors. I sighed as Imogen came up behind me.

"That was a bit harsh wasn't it?"

"No." I replied bluntly.

"She just wanted a little bit of TLC"

"She's just attention seeking… you don't know what she's like" I walked off. I was completely gob smacked at how Imogen could fall for her tricks. Couldn't she see that my mum was a mess? Something deep down wanted to scream to everyone that she was an Alcoholic. That I'd covered up for her more times than I could imagine, that I had to look after her every blinking moment! That I NEVER GOT ANY TIME TO MYSELF! I needed to get away. I couldn't stick by Imogen like this while Mum was like this.

X

The next lesson had ended and Imogen and I were walking out of the class. We turned the corner and saw Mum. She leaned against her doorframe. I rolled my eyes. She stepped forward and slipped down the stairs. She rolled right down the flight of stairs before she hit the bottom. I panicked completely and screamed "MUM" before running down the stairs after her"

"Mum! Mum I'm so sorry Mum!" She started to sit up and looked"

"I'm okay…" My eyes began to swell with tears.

"You fell down the stairs we need to get you to the doctors!" Imogen said.

"Back off okay I'm dealing with it!"

"Look, I've just twisted my ankle alright? I'm fine!" The nurse turned up.

"Mum I'm so sorry! I'll believe you next time!"

"Your mind is on other things. But you're here now.

X

"It's us…It's not going to work is it…"

"No… Have you really given it your best though?"

"It's too hard! I can't keep everyone happy.."

"You're giving up just like that?" _Oh god. I feel sick. I can't do this too her. I love her. How could I actually be having this conversation? _

"I actually thought we had something pretty good!"

"No we do, it's just th-"

"It's too much effort? I'm trying to help you. If you want things to change, you have to make them change. I guess running away is the easiest option. I never thought that would be the one you'd take." With that, she walked off. I'd never felt this low. I'd lost Imogen, and I'd basically rejected mum. Maybe she really wasn't well? I walked off in the direction of her classroom and opened the door.

"Mum are you okay?"

"I am fine Connor!

"No you're not. That's why I've booked you a doctor's appointment. It's tonight. You can barely walk on it I'm not taking no for an answer!" I said nodding towards her limping leg. She stopped and sighed.

"Okay" _Did she actually just say that?_

_"_Really?!" She nodded. We headed out the school and towards the exit. We walked out and that's when the obvious question arrived…

"You know, we could forget the doctor's and go and get a bite to eat?" I looked at her.

"Okay…" I looked back and saw Imogen. I needed to put things right.

"Two minutes?" I walked down towards the beautiful girl in front of me. She turned and looked at me slightly confused.

"What're you doing?"

"I know it's been a weird day… But I think we're going to be okay"

"Yeah? What's changed?" It was now or never. I leaned in and kissed her gently. She smiled.

"Maybe we could go and get some food tomorrow night?" She nodded and I headed off with mum.


End file.
